How Severus turned a death eater
by jinisha
Summary: It is one of my imaginations of Severus's past. If anyone's interested in other ones...I'll post another one shot.


"Your parents were not the only ones you lost to Voldemort and his cronies." Harry looked up wide-eyed at my face.

"Your grandparents were killed by death eaters as well." Harry's mouth opened a little as he continued staring at me.

"How do you…oh…but of course you're one of them. You will know." I smiled bitterly at his words. 'One of them.'

"I knew your mother much before we got our Hogwarts letter. She was a very kind little girl and much better company than the muggles who filled our neighborhood, mostly because they were freaked out of the bursts of magic. She was not. She was going through it as well. It was a nice relief for her parents to discover the cause of the way Lily was. They talked at length with my mother. She explained everything. They never really became friends, but Mrs. Evans treated me as her own son. I was part of every celebration at their house. She was around when my mother could not be and Lily…Lily was my world. I could not imagine a life without her. I think I was already in love with her when I was eight.

"I had read every book hidden in a secret trunk in our little basement at spinner's end. My mother had kept the collection of books inherited from her father hidden there. My father did not like magic or anything at all much. He fought over everything magical. They sparred verbally and physically. I would sneak in there and read the books. She caught me every time and asked to stay away since some of the books were dark and dangerous but I did not give up. I turned better and better at not getting caught. In the end, she gave up and asked me to at least ask her before going towards the books. She gave me the books that she said would be part of curriculum at Hogwarts. I was a quick learner. I had learnt all the lessons in theory and would have done in practical if I had means. Since I had no means, I turned towards the other books in the trunk. She was surprised that I had learnt everything so quickly. She tested my knowledge and only then allowed me to read the other books.

"I found dark arts fascinating. They were challenging bits of magic and very difficult to undo. My mother had said that the person who has a thorough understanding of them but still remains unaffected by them is the only one who can defend against them. I did my best to do just that, to read, to understand, but never to use them.

"I wanted to be sorted in the house of Slytherin. It seemed like the only house that can provide me with knowledge that I sought. I did get it in plenty. Lily was not very happy with my choice of friends. They were mean towards her. They called her out about her parentage. I threatened them to maintain distance from her and they did. I was one of the people learned with most spells even in my first year. They feared my anger so they laid off. I wanted the knowledge of dark arts that their parent's libraries could fill, so I laid off when they teased other muggle borns. Lily did not understand it though, and we often fought.

"Her mother noticed from Lily's letters that she was annoyed with my friends. She talked with me. I explained my best. She understood and was left deep in thought. She was an extraordinarily kind but a shrewd woman. The next day, she called me when no one was around. She said that the best way to protect someone from something is to work with that something. Be my spy, she said. Keep my lily safe from within. I liked her idea. I started befriending them. I hated their ideas, but I stayed put. It helped me save Lily's life several times.

"As we aged, they grew more and more inclined towards joining the death eaters. My father had died by then and mother's life was failing. Mrs. Evans was like my mother at that point. I told her about the situation. She was very scared about what might happen with her daughter. She was crying. I soothed her. I asked her what I could do to make her feel better. She said that she has treated me like a son, she asked me to give her something in return. I had nothing to give but I was grateful enough to pledge my life to her. I gave her my word that I would do anything that she deems fit as a return for her kindness. She asked me to join the death eaters. I thought she was not being serious but she said that that way I will be in a situation to keep her safe. I hated the idea and knew that she was asking for my very soul but later I convinced myself that that was the best way to win Lily over and to get glory for myself. I started moving in the circles of people who are in line to be death eaters as soon as they were of age.

"Since I was a half-blood, there were several tests that I was put through. I was made to call the muggle-born by dirty names for one. I chose it to be Lily, because it would set my position deepest since they knew my friendship with her. It was the final blow to our friendship. She refused to ever talk with me again. She did give me the option to end my friendship with the death eater boys but I could not do that because I had given my word to her mother. I continued looking after her.

"Mrs. Evans forbade me to ever visit her because if the death eaters discovered me, they would lose trust in me. I also helped her hide the memories of her time with me. I joined them right after I left Hogwarts. After a few months, I was still not included in inner circle. Not being in inner circle meant that I did not hear anything useful. I knew I had to do something huge to climb through the ranks. I did find something useful, something very useful. I heard the prophecy foretelling the birth of the child having ability to vanquish him. This was exactly what I needed. I ran away with the information to him. He was pleased with me. He gave me an apprenticeship. Although, he was a dark wizard, he was the best potioneer in existence and an apprenticeship under him is as valid as with anyone else. I got what I wanted or so I thought.

"After a few days, the corpses of Mr. and Mrs. Evans were brought in. The person who brought her announced that they had not met Lily and James potter in over an year. I was grateful that the dark lord had not checked Mrs. Evans memories himself, or he would have caught me. He did however, knew that I was a friend of Lily during the school days. He explained how he meant to find and kill Lily, potter, and his son. I begged for her life. He generously promised it to me as a patient and kind master.

"I did not for a second believe him. I sought help of Dumbledore. I had full faith in his kindness. I told him everything and asked him to keep her safe. He asked me to turn spy on the dark lord. It was not a huge request; I had been doing that from the beginning. I agreed. Then, Lily died. She died and you lost your mother. Petunia lost her sister. I lost my friend, the center around which my life was revolving. He was gone. He was gone at least for a while. Dumbledore asked me to live. He gave me another person to save. The mission of my life became to protect you instead. That's what I have been doing all these years. I do not for a second mind dying for it. I will prefer dying. The life has been too much already. I do not have heart to give to anyone else, it died with Lily. How will I live, boy? Please. Stop trying to save me."

He looked at me with tears. "I…I'm…you're so…brave."

I snorted. "Hardly a Gryffindor. I am not brave enough to live. So, do you understand that you are not to try saving me?"

He looked at me with all his annoying Gryffindor arrogance. "I know it is my duty now to save you."

"It is not! Don't you understand anything, you foolish little."

"You can bully me all you want professor. I will still help you heal. You will get better and you will not go back to him. I will do my duty as prophesized and get rid of him for good. You will live. You better find courage to live because you are going to be godfather of my children. I might even help you find a nice woman to love and respect you but you will live."

I looked at him with all the frustration I felt but he just got up, glared at me, and left my room.

"I guess I have lost my touch." I mumbled to myself and fell asleep.


End file.
